


Walls of panic

by Ja_Levi



Series: Dysfunctional but it works [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Canon Disabled Character, Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Disability, Disabled Character, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pre-Relationship, Pseudo-Incest, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:33:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25946650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ja_Levi/pseuds/Ja_Levi
Summary: Diego has walls. He hides. Until Five finds him.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Diego Hargreeves
Series: Dysfunctional but it works [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883170
Comments: 2
Kudos: 79





	Walls of panic

Diego is not one for letting down his walls. To him, that's what weak boys do. No man opens up about their trauma. No man worth being called a man cries because an asshole takes the piss of his disability.

He spins a blade between his fingers as he leans against the wall of the outside of some cafe building, taking a breath as he glances down at the dark street. The moon is bright overhead and Diego rests his knife-less hand on his thigh.

For years Diego has been fighting against criminals, fighting against being told he's 'pretentious' and a 'heroistic megalomaniac.' He's not obsessed with his power to help, it's just, as many would say, a coping mechanism.

To help distract him from the pitied looks from cashiers when he scrambles to form a sentence, to help distract himself from the memories of needles stabbing him, forcing him into a petrified stance, to help distract himself from the memories of disappointment on his father's face when he wasn't good enough.

Taking in a shaky sigh, Diego closes his eyes tightly, as if to separate himself from the happy yelling from the bars down the road. He's never felt good enough. Of course, he's pretended that he feels brave, pretended that he feels worth being known, faked feeling worth being loved by anyone.

It's hard some days to keep faking an 'I'm okay' and on those days it's almost impossible to keep forcing himself to keep all of that dark self hate trapped inside of him. Feeling his chest grow tight, Diego forces himself to calm down, but it's not working.

Snapping his eyes open, Diego feels the atmosphere tighten and to him, the temperature seems to drop almost drastically. Placing his hand harder against his thigh, Diego starts to heave. Confusion and confliction fill him, and he doesn't know what's going on.

There's a low voice inside of his head, echoing, the words growing louder and Diego wants to run as the harsh tone settles into him. 'Too foolish, Number Two. Too blind to see how childish it is to have a goal of saving everyone. Too ambitious and too idiotic to understand when a battle has been lost. Too careless to know when to stop, because he's too lazy to find out when enough is enough. Too gluttonous to halt his addiction to justice. Where is the justice now when you fall criminal to the crimes of your heart?'

Diego realises that he can't move, his veins pumping frozen feeling blood throughout his body. He does the only thing he's capable of doing, and with such, he falls to his knees. The man sees his vision go blurry and before he can even breathe he feels hot tears fall from his eyes to meet the skin of his cheek.

The knife from before has clattered somewhere and when he sees it glint from the ground, he tries to crawl towards it. His chest is still heaving, more tears falling down his face as he struggles to move his body.

A figure soon appears in front of him, and all he can make out through his vision is dark coloured shorts. "Diego, what the hell are you doing? Do you understand the pressure I am currently under - Diego?" Tilting his head upwards to prevent more tears from falling, Diego manages to make out the young face of his brother. 

Swallowing and gasping at Five, Diego finds himself begging. He needs his brother's help, and he begs more, even though he just wants to find a way to slink away and hide forever after letting Five see him like this, after letting Five see him vulnerable, exposed and weak. "Five, I-I don't, I don't know what's going-going-going on...You have to-have, have, have to help me. Please!"

A few broken sobs rack through Diego's body and he trembles against the hard asphalt floor. Leaning down and frowning, a slightly calculating look in his eyes, Five grabs Diego's hand, tugging the other male to his feet. Not hesitating for more than a second, he teleports them back to where they're staying for refuge. 

Five wants to let go of Diego's hand as soon as they are inside but Diego intertwines shaking fingers with his own. Looking at his brother with an oddly concerned stare, Five leads Diego over to the couch. He sits down, easing Diego down as well. "Five...what's hap-happ-ening to me? I don't under-, I don't under-, I don't get it!"

When more tears fall down his face, Five has to fight back cringing. It's not that he thinks that crying is gross, in fact he thinks that it's necessary. However, Five hasn't really spent time in being a support buddy for anyone ever, so these emotions showing in Diego is a little...alarming, to say the least.

Sighing, Five holds Diego's hand tighter, hesitantly rubbing his thumb over Diego's knuckles, deeming that a comforting enough action. "You're having a panic attack, Diego. I'm going to need you to take a few big, deep breaths for me, and then I'm going to need you to talk to me. We need to take this easy, so you better listen to me, do you understand?"

Diego looks at Five as he shortly nods his head, his face looking like so many things at once; tired and scared, fearful and confused, embarrassed and ashamed. A couple of uneven hiccups leave Diego as he tries to breathe, yet it feels as if there's no oxygen to be had into his lungs, which still feel boa contrictor tight. It takes Five shushing and cradling his hand to lul him into breathing properly, the air still feeling scarce but better and more plentiful than before.

Once he's stopped crying as heavily, Five speaks to him in an attempted soft voice, clearly trying to prevent another blow up in emotions. "What caused the panic attack, Diego?" The man can only offer Five some weak, limp shrugging, sniffling when Five fights back an annoyed sigh. "I can only help you if you talk to me. What caused you to...you know, cry like that? Is it about Dad?"

Holding Five's hand a little more tightly, Diego slowly begins to tell Five about his thoughts of not actually being the hero when it's truly needed by real people, the thoughts of not being good enough by any standards, ever. He forces himself not to shake as he mutters about just wanting to be able to drop everything about himself just so he could be a new man and have people in his life that actually like him.

After he's finished speaking, he waits for Five to sigh dismissively and tell him something along the lines of 'Grow up past this, you will either have people who like you or you don't. Don't waste your, and in turn my, valuable time by thinking about things that you can't change.' Instead, the words never come. At least, not the off handed ones Diego expects from his brother.

Still stroking his thumb over Diego's knuckles, Five makes eye contact with him. His eyes are firm and steel-like, but there's also an obvious glimmer of care showing. "Diego, you don't need to change yourself and abandon what made you who you are just for people to like you. You overcame fears, you are still overcoming those fears, and you are stronger because of your fears, because of your past and because of your pain. No body is worth giving all of that strength up."

A small sound of gratefulness leaves Diego and Five offers him a slanted smile. "Now, that's enough tears on that for today, don't you think? I did need you in my sights so I knew where you were which is why I came looking for you in the first place. Considering that I still need you in my sight for the rest of the evening, and considering that you now need to wind down that brain of yours that has been going on overtime by causing all of that nasty over thinking, how about I order some take out? I snagged a credit card off of someone, so our late night dinner is on them."

Nodding gently, Diego smiles. When it counts, Five is always there for him.


End file.
